Instead of “hello”

Imagine you ask somebody which country they are from originally (I probably wouldn’t as some people may not want to speak about this or they may feel upset that they accent shows). Imagine you have got some kind of reply. Would you then rushed into saying that oh, yes, you heard about that country,  it’s well known for (pick from the list) evil government,  racism, slavery, crime, bureaucracy,  obesity, poverty, injustice, unemployment, etc?

Similar conversions happened  to me twice last week. People honestly expect to maintain friendly conversation started with these accusations. I do love to criticise my native Russia when appropriate.  But  when strangers are talking to me in this manner it is like being held responsible for all negative news stories or just pure propaganda is completely different. Another thing that drives me mad is when strangers start to treat me as a zoo animal,  discussing my cheekbones, shape of the face or accent.

I thought that after 15 years living abroad I would get used to that. Apparently not. I still feel afraid to talk to stangers.

Back at the market table

So I did it again: for the third financial year I am loosing money (something like 67-350-250 £ a year). This is despite parting with a number of paintings,  cards and prints.

I am grateful to the people who bought the artwork from me but please be aware that it was local council,  public transport companies,  insurance companies, post offices and art supplies who really got your money: I had to pay them too.

Number of customers at the Market is falling. I only managed to cover my rent for December. The local library sent me a letter saying I have to pay 45 pounds if I dare to put prices on my paintings at my annual exhibition. I had it here for 2 years and earned 20 – 40 pounds each time…

I should admit that the thought of a big bonfire made of the paintings and sketches regulary burns in my mind. But I am not sure I ever can give up. All the money I have to spend on art are the leftovers from buying food and clothes for my family for which my husband gives me some money. I could’ve spent more money on him and kids. Perhaps I should have spent more time on them too.

All the housekeeping: washing, cooking, gardening, tidying and almost all shopping are my responsibilities which I have been partly ignoring for last few years in order to “be an artist”. And I am not even good at it. My conscience is not allowing me to charge sky-high for my artworks and anyway local people wouldn’t be able to pay any more. We haven’t got many millionaires in Newtown. I love doing art but the stress of trying to sell it and to please everyone is getting at me.

So I probably will only have a table on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Newtown Market, I also will exhibit some artworks at Galleries Live in Telford and Shrewsbury. I also will possibly participate in an evening art club at Pen Dinas Community Garden if it won’t eat too much time. But I really would like to claim at least some of my life back as my home, me, the family and the garden are not well attended at the moment. I used to read, write, exercise, do plein air trips and I want to try to go back to this.

Sorry for a bit of whining but I feel I should explain what’s going on – mostly for people who (I think) expect me to be something I am not.

Artfire is going Ebay way

Few days ago all my artwork in my Artfire shop disappeared. Apparently, they stopped their free service which they advertise so much when I have joined few years ago. Few other artists didn’t get any warning too. So to keep the shop I will have to pay monthly fee in future which I most like never make with my sales – like it happened on Ebay few years ago. That’s life… This could be even worse – if Zazzle do the same.

Back from Russia again

Sorry for not writing much here during last year but I’m really into writing in Russian in my other blog.

To try to improve the situation a bit I can say that during past few month I’ve been so completely happy like I haven’t been for about 20 years. The dark menacing cloud is gone. Twenty years ago I’ve been given some poison and told it will make me better. I was free before, but after I felt like a fish caught in the net, lifted off my natural environment, helpless and suffocating. Now I’m free again, full of love and creativity. I am clean of this horrible addiction. I mean religion. It is such a relieve to understand that it all was just a big lie, a glitch of a conscious (but week, I admit) mind, deceit and self-deceit.

I can still appreciate religions esthetical side: music, temples, rituals, general feeling of something greater that you. It may even make somebody happier. Then maybe if people, straight from the beginning of history, could build beautiful libraries, train stations and univercities there would be no need for majestic (and very pricy) temples?

The danger of the religion is that your “invisible friend” will get stroppier and stroppier, wanting more love than your real friends and family. It will make you call others heretics and infidels. It will be threatening you and blackmailing you with the fear of Hell. It will tell you that people are sinners and deserve Hell while the truth is we all get pleasure from good relationship with fellow humans – just like animals living in groups. We like being nice to each other. We notice nastiness more because it is more rare. People love each other naturally, without need for a supreme being, fear of punishement or dream of a reward. Religions and kindness are not related.

I am so glad there is neither “invisible friend” nor a strange cruel outdated book between me and my conscience!

There was perhaps need for a religion when first humans got conscience but didn’t quite knew what to do with it. When they couldn’t invent themselves neither purpose in life nor the ways to behave (after behaviour according to instincts became optional). Now most people can find purpose in life, be kind and happy by themselves.

I actually never met anyone who became kinder under the influence of a religion. My experience is that kind and clever believers have a very hard time squizing their kindness and reason into the dark prison of religious thought.

When I read history of Orthodox Christianity I find suppression of free thought, angry disagreements, wishes for opponents to go to hell, growing political ambitions, hatred, cruelty, attempts of rewriting of history, etc straight from the beginning. There is not such things as “christian values”: when slavery, torture and cruel punishments were common they were OK with the Church too. The modern history of Russia teaches me that as soon as religion gets a firm grip on the society, its “nasty” fundamentalist face appears. Even in 90s I’ve been told the orthodoxy coupled with nationalism and xenophobia (o, mother!) I’ve been told silly medieval things like to eat seafood during the lent because in the old days people thought its plant food not animal…

Why should anyone believe to the infamous organizations like the christian Churches or other religious orders? They are built lie on lie, they teach intolerance (every religion is a blashemy for another one), they take away the most precious possession any person has: his freedom of thought.

Anyway, it is really difficult to describe the level of happiness the realisation of all this brought upon me.

Back in Britain

We’ve just returned from 1.5 month holidays near Moscow, Russia. It was incredibly hot most of the time (+37 C) and very smoky because of distant peat fires. So we had to hide indoors. I’ve only managed to do a few sketches outside in the mornings but have been happy reading (Van Gogh, M. Bulgakov, V. Livanov, Dostoevsky) in cool underground sauna…

We also had few very strong storms, hazelnut-size hale and my favourite fir tree I admired from my childhood falling down (but not in our garden). The August meteor shower was quite spectacular this year.

On the way back, flight from Frankfurt to Birmingham (Lufthansa), we had to land very fast (which was a bit scary) in Brussels because the air pressure have been falling in the cabin. We’ve been told we were 30 sec from oxygen masks dropping down. It took four hours to fix and test the plane, then we resumed our journey home. Neither me nor my husband flying most of our lives ever experienced something like this. Kids and lots of other passengers had bad earaches.

Now kids are back to school, me I’m cooking, going to my exercise group and thinking about painting… Back to business!

Election

Sounds silly but I will be really sad if on Friday we still have Gordon Brown in  charge or anyone with that left wing rhetoric. I know almost all politicians are actors and liars. But we just had too much of same of them.

Socionics.com got lots of typing mistakes, but I think they are right saying that Tony Blair is ENFj, Gordon Brown is INTp and David Cameron is ISTp. Its describes perfectly how we perceive them at home.

Little advice for future government on spending cuts: DON’T FUND PILES OF RUBBISH IN ART GALLERIES ANY MORE… I’m not against something new or experimental. I’m just against funding rubbish!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to everybody!

We are just back from wonderful Malta were we went for our first “proper” holiday with kids. No pictures yet as I am still recovering from a computer and a memory disk breakage.

A break

My main computer has broken down, so, temporary silent… Finished a pen drawing of a red cat and started another “Hansel and Gretel” picture.

A song from my chilhood

We used to sing and listen to each other a lot when we were kids, teenagers and students. It was a very popular pastime in the Soviet Union anyway. I’ve found recently one of these songs which we loved to sing with a guitar. I didn’t know it was by Kipling, as it was translated into Russian. Here it is, The Song of The Dead, part II:

We have fed our sea for a thousand years 

And she calls us, still unfed, 

Though there’s never a wave of all her waves 

But marks our English dead: 

We have strawed our best to the weed’s unrest, 

To the shark and the sheering gull. 

If blood be the price of admiralty, 

Lord God, we ha’ paid in full! 

(more)

Me & friends had an interesting childhood, I know…

Unfortunately I can’t find spelling check on blogger any more, so, sorry if I start doing typos.

Gypsy Mermaid

Sorry I haven’t been writing too much here as I’ve got very involved with my Russian blog.

Apart from few new drawings I was experimenting with a bit of shell, textile & sea glass jewellery which I’m starting putting in my Artfire and Etsy shops.

The name Gypsy Mermaid is partly related to how this looks like, and partly to a song by M. Scherbakov.